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Ibidis Mortem's X-files
"The French Toast"Chapter 1.
(Somewhere in the background the X-files theme music plays) Agent Mortem and Agent Scurvy walk through the dark parking garage searching for their informant. Someone high up on the organizational ladder who has said over the phone that he/she knew the secret behind the strange van that has been spotted lurking the area. The population has gone underground for fear that they will be the next unwitting victim to vanish whenever the van makes an appearance. Police have been unwilling to cooperate by stopping and questioning the van driver, whom no one has had a good look at. Pedestrians who have unwittingly strayed too close to the van have reported hearing muffled conversations from w/in, along with the occasional shriek. It has been spotted parking at length in some of the seedier areas of town. Agent Mortem spots movement in the back of the parking lot and draws his weapon (a lovely charcoal rendition, BTW), shining his flashlight to the source. There stands a small man, shielding his eyes from the light. His eyes dart back and forth nervously. As if looking for a hidden danger. He hesitantly approaches, eyeing Mortem and Scurvy, and hands a manila envelope that is bulging at the middle. He open his mouth and says, "It's evil that's got to stop. They've always been so disdainful. Like we were below their attention. They're Fr..." His eyes glaze over as he tumbles forward to the ground, a dart sticking out of his back. Agent Mortem searches the grounds as Agent Scurvy confirms the death of the informant. As Mortem approaches where the assassin had been only moments before, he hears tires screeching and sees the van burst forth from the garage entrance and speed away down the road. He checks the ground and walls and nods comfirmingly as he inspects the completely cleaned and polished stonework. He carefully opens the envelope and notices the perfumed scents from w/in. Expensive imported perfume. He reaches w/in and pulls out a French maids apron, many sizes too large for the average woman. He thinks to himself, "This organization will stop at nothing to obtain their goal, but they must be destroyed!" This is Ibidis Mortem saying, stay tuned because the truth is out there. yuk yuk. Chapter 2.
Agent Mortem and Agent Scurvy decide to hit the streets undercover as Boris and Natasha, two decidedly ordinary common American street walkers. They hit the frozen streets of San Jose braving the blustery wind in an attempt to draw the secret society from hiding. After 2 weeks w/o even a report of a van sighting they begin to despair. Suddenly Mortem feels Scurvy stiffen up beside him and give a sharp intake of breath. He casually turns his head to see the van slowing down to their pace beside them. After a few tense minutes of Mortem stroking the muzzle of his gun (Ewww!), the van pulls to the side and the window rolls down just a few inches. A white gloved hand reaches out and beckons them closer. A gruff voice issues forth from the van window and asks in a bad French accent "Do you two need your residence cleaned?" Upon hearing the accent, Agent Mortem decides to sink the hook by agreeing. After directions are given and a time is arranged, Mortem calls the agency and arranges for the full surveillance equipment to be put in place. Then he and Agent Scurvy settle into the apartment and wait. A knock on the door resounds thru the living room and Scurvy opens the door revealing... 5 men in French Maids outfits holding vacuums, dusters, and sponges. How diabolically clever to efficiently disguise themselves as servants of the public, thought Mortem. The door closes behind them and they begin to work. The vacuum is turned on and the cleaning spray is spritzed in the kitchen. A very soothing sound and scent as Mortem and Scurvy sat down to watch the spectacle before them. ........ Agent Mortem's eyes snap open as he realizes he has dropped off and he casually rolls his head over to Scurvy. She is asleep as well! He attempts to wake her, but his arms aren't responding and all he can muster is a pathetic gurgle when he attempts to speak. He groggily rolls his head to the other side and sees the Frenchmen watching the two of them. The cleaning equipment is then packed up, and Mortem realizes that the vacuum was hypnotic and the scent of the solution was drugged. The Frenchmen haul Agent Scurvy out the front door and then return for Mortem. As they pick him up into the air, the last think Mortem thinks before blacking out is "Where are the surveillance team members?" An hour later the backup team bursts into the apartment searching for the lost agents. The surveillance team records were confiscated and remain locked away today, but the team members swear to this day that nothing unusual was seen on the tapes. Agent Mortem and Agent Scurvy were not found, though there have been reports of a poster using Agent Mortem's name on a WWW bulletin board. This is Ibidis Mortem saying, all right so I lied before, the truth isn't really out there. yuk yuk. © 1997 C A Lutke