Operation: Lucky Charms
Operation: Lucky Charms

Tales of the AICEFF
Operation: Lucky Charms

Day 1 - 0200 hours.
The Elite Fighting Force, AIC branch, has been sent all over the world it seems. We've been to the steaming jungles of Brazil, the frozen wastes of the Arctic Circle, the unknown dangers of Easter Island, the horrid sub culture of the suburbs, and many places even more disgusting. This will be the first time we have been to a target location where we have some actual intel of the schematics of the area. The bomber we're in is thundering thru the sky as we head towards our destination: Pot O' Gold Island.
We got the go ahead for Operation: Lucky Charms approx. 38 hours ago, but the team needed to lick their wounds a little bit from our last battle with the Tooth Fairy. In some of the member's case, they found some other willing souls to lick them instead. I won't mention any names, though the groin injuries are rampant all of a sudden. Some things are better left on the security camera tapes.
I spread out a map of the island on the floor of the plane. The team feet hold it down with their members... er, I mean the team members hold it down with their feet. I indicate our landing site, on the North side of the isle. We'll hitting the beaches here, and setting out in a Southwesterly pattern for the base. There is a vent tunnel about 4 miles in that we'll take to the base itself. From there we'll strike the interior of the base w/nerve gas, isolating the living beings w/no damage to the machinery. I'll log into the mainframe and download the locations of the Holiday Coalition members' bases while the rest of you set the charges. Then we'll light out of there like a Christmas tree and blow 'em back to Blarney. Simple and effective.
The only real drawbacks we have to the plan are: the information about the island is only second-hand, coerced from a prisoner and satellite pictures have been able to reveal nothing but a perpetual cloud cover over the isle. Nothing is verifiable.
We're approaching the drop zone. We've gotta do a dive into the ocean and raft it to shore. I check and make sure the team is all wearing their rubbers. Tighten yours up Jules. Rohmer puts "We Die Young" on the comm link headphones and we jump out the hatch. Here we go again, jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. On the way down, I've got my field glasses out and I'm trying to do pierce the cloud cover to see the island. Not seeming to have any luck. Wait! What's that metallic tower poking thru the top? My analysis is broken up by Rohmer on the comm link. Uh Mortem? You, uh, might wanna pull the rip cord now. I remove the glasses from my eyes and look down. I'm only 300 feet above the water! I yank the rip cord and the chute opens stopping my momentum just feet away from the water. Thanks there Rohmer. I hit and cut away the chute, sending it floating away from me.
Druidic Concoctions pulls a rubber cube about 5" wide from his pack and touches one side. It rapidly expands into a raft complete w/outboard motor. Wow! Pretty impressive. I remember him telling me that the cube had gone off in his pants pocket once. Not a pretty sight. Really impressed everyone at his family reunion, though.
We load up into the boat and head for the coastline. Immortal Sin has his tracing unit out, looking for signs of activity along the shore, but nothing is reading. Good. Maybe we weren't seen. I give the signal for Evil Pixie to take Ligeia and go ahead of us. She activates her wing pack and they fly off into the night. It's a good thing she's got that new Whisper Mode. The creative geniuses back at the base, Codename: Lean Stairly and Codename: Cherry Can't Tell would be ultimately pleased w/the performance of the new toys.
A couple of minutes later the team touches down to shore. No sign of Pixie or Ligeia. Bad news. We fan out along the coast. Immortal Sin and Plohoie Debushka commence to hiding the boat in a tree, where any locals couldn't find it. We wait a couple of minutes, and Evil Pixie returns. She says she dropped Ligeia off and did a quick scout around the area. She didn't know where Ligeia was now.
I tell Rohmer to do a comm search, but there is no response. She does a comm unit feedback search and locates her position, 100 meters South. We start out heading that direction, in 2 X 2 cover formation. We get to the edge of a small field of clovers, 4 leaf clovers upon closer inspection. I can see Ligeia lying about 25 meters out.
Heart Shine starts to walk out into the field, but Devil's Dance stops her, indicating the clovers to the team. I take a rock lying nearby and toss it into the field. It lands in the clovers and a cloud of powder rises up from the plants. These must be the Clover Poppies. Put you out cold in a heartbeat. How can we get out there to get her back? Not A Phase suggests a grappling hook, but I tell her that it's too far away and would be too noisy if we missed. I quickly have Jules dig in her pack until she finds that poster of the lead singer of that band everyone likes so much, Carol in Bondage. That should draw Ligeia, unconscious or not. No dice. I guess she has to be able to see it first. Wait! That souvenir shirt that Jules got from him, it's got his scent! We wave it in the air for a minute. Nothing happens.... until Ligeia suddenly starts sliding backwards, as if drawn by an irresistible force! She's almost here, put it away! We don't want a collision. We pull her the rest of the way out of the clovers and revive her. She's awake, but is gonna be high as a kite for a while. We're now strangers in a strange land.
This is Ibidis (Codename: Mortem) saying, Ya wanna kiss ole' Miles O'Toole's blarney stones? yuk yuk.

Chapter 2.

Day 1 - 0500 hours.
We allowed a bit of time for Ligeia to recover from the clover poppy effects. After all, we were a tad ahead of schedule and the enemy shouldn't know we were there. I emphasize shouldn't. HeartShine is assisting Ligeia to recover, using some strange sort of sauce called "Baptism of Fire" (making my eyes sweat from over here).
While we were waiting I had Immortal Sin set up a small scanning center and check for any types of electronic surveillance. We wanted to conserve power in case we were here longer than expected, but I needed to know if we were being watched. With Ligeia down, Jules was the next best scout. I sent her out for a light perimeter scan. Make sure you keep a look out for anything remotely strange. Not A Phase took off her pack and set it on the beach. I don't blame her. She's carrying all of the charges to blow this HQ to Hell, and they can't be light. It also makes her the one to protect, if she takes a bullet in one of those charges, we're all gonna be greasy smears. According to the map we have, there's about 4.1 km to the exhaust vent, bearing SSW. No prob.
Looks like Ligeia's getting up and around. Her face is a little flushed, and I'm sure her mouth is on fire, but otherwise the seems fine. Good. I call Jules back and check w/Immortal Sin on the scanning. He's found no traces of any surveillance. All right, let's get moving.
Day 1 - 0530 hours.
We're standing in the middle of a field of clover poppies, gas masks on, and peering thru the poppy dust trying to figure our next move. Just when you thought this island couldn't get any worse, we have seen a wall of trees so interwoven, that it is going to be impossible to get thru w/o a detour around or a path cut thru them. I've got a feeling that this tree wall goes all the way around the compound. Looks like it's thru.
Devil's Dance and Plohoie Debushka get out their machetes and start heading towards the trees. The rest of us follow, keeping a close eye out for hostiles. We're about 20 yards out when they reach the tree line. After a bit of inspection they look at the trees and turn to signal us that they're going to start hacking away. As soon as they begin, we hear two loud thumps and they are suddenly flung backwards. They land about 5 feet from us. We instantly train our weapons to the tree line, but nothing's there. HeartShine check them out and says they are fine, but if they weren't wearing body armor, they would be in severe trouble. They start to groan and move a bit. I ask them what happened, and they both mention something about a flash of brown, and then they were hit. Hmmmm.
I tell Rohmer to come w/me as I close in the trees. I get up to w/in 5 feet and stop. Hmmm. These trees have horizontal bark w/yellow and pink tiger stripes. What is it about that particular bark that I can't seem to remember? Rohmer starts to reach out to inspect the bark a bit closer, when it suddenly comes to me. Horizontal bark? Pink and yellow tiger stripes? That's it! Rohmer, Wait! Don't!... Too late. A wooden shaft swings from the tree trunk and smacks Rohmer right in the breadbasket. She goes flying back to the others like Babe Ruth had teed off on her. The friggin' Shillelagh Sycamores had claimed another victim. Damn and blast it! Why didn't I recognize this sooner?
As I start to walk back to the group, I see HeartShine attending to Rohmer. I've got a feeling HeartShine's gonna be busy this trip. She says it looks like Rohmer's got a busted rib or two, but she's all right. Devil's Dance looks like he's getting pretty pissed. Calm down soldier, it was just bad luck. He screams wordlessly and trains his gun to the tree line. No! Don't fire! You'll give away our... The rest of my words are drowned out by the machine gun fire. He's just mindlessly pumping away shots into the trees. I look at his gas mask. It's got a crack in it! The Shillelagh Sycamore must have busted it and now he's gotten high from the clover dust. Damn! I tell Rohmer to turn the volume up full on his comm unit and I scream out for him to stop. He drops the gun, holding his ears. Druidic, hold him down! HeartShine, try and get him clear headed! Damn! The sound of that machine gun could be heard for miles.
Immortal Sin asks if you ever get the feeling you're completely exposed? Evil Pixie tells him to zip his fly. I hear a noise all around. Every one on the team sounds off that they see movement. There! 40 meters away. On the other side of us from the trees. A sea of small heads rises from the clovers and looks balefully at us. They're all wearing camo green and have small pipes in their mouths. They've got wee beady eyes, and they're wearing those breath-right nose strips. They must have come for business. Jules asks if they're leprechauns. No. These are the Darby O'Gills, the little people. Leprechauns are much worse. There's gotta be over 500 of 'em!
They start walking towards us. Luckily, they've got little legs, that gives us some time. Devil's Dance is apparently feeling well enough to set his gun up on a tripod, but I tell the team not to fire yet. One thing I learned from Operation: Chestnuts Roasting is that you never have enough ammo to take out his many little guys. The trick is to get 'em all in one spot. Luckily I had a feeling we would run into these guys, so I came prepared.
I pull out a huge glass mug from my pack and tell Druidic to pull out the skin of beer that he brought. I look over to him. You'd better not have drank it. He says no, he drinks the other stuff. He pours it in the mug. Carefully now, we don't want to spill a precious drop. I tell Evil Pixie to take to the air and distract them momentarily. She starts buzzing around above the little people, occasionally dropping a smidge of ever-stick pixie dust on them. Just to piss 'em off, I'm sure. I tell the team to back away slowly, except for Not A Phase. I tell her to spread some of the oil from her explosive mixture on the clovers around us. once she's thru w/that, I set the huge mug of beer down carefully and we both walk backwards out of the area.
Once the team has cleared back, I tell Pixie to fall back. The Darby O'Gills resume their approach. They're w/in 20 meters of the mug when on of them catches the scent of ale. Suddenly it's a flood of green as they barrel towards the distilled malt beverage. All 500 of 'em are gathered in a heap on around the mug as they slug away at each other, trying to get it all for themselves. Hell, if we let 'em, they'll probably kill themselves for us. We've got no time for that, though. I look over at Immortal Sin. You know what to do. He grins maliciously and ignites the primer on his flame-thrower. He yells out, Who's up for Irish Stew!?!, and sends a stream of flame into the little people and the oil soaked ground around them. They catch fire immediately and start yelling some Gaelic gibberish. It's like an Irish towering inferno. Immortal Sin must feel British, to be killing that many Irish. Hoo-hah! It's bonfire central tonight. Where's my marshmallows? Ha!
We turn and look at the tree line and see the trees have given way to the flame-thrower. I tell everyone to gather around Immortal Sin and we edge our way thru the wicked Louisville Sluggers. Another obstacle crossed.
Day 1 - 0630 hours.
Daylight is just starting to come out as we near the exhaust vent. We're almost in. Knock, knock. Heeeere's Johnny! Honey, I'm home!
This is Ibidis (Codename: Mortem) saying, who needs luck when you've got ammo? yuk yuk

Chapter 3.

Day 1 - 0645 hours.
We've reached the exhaust vent from the base. There's still no sign of pursuit from the Darby O' Gills, so hopefully Immortal Sin managed to fry 'em all. There's been no visual confirmation of the base either, but according to the Tooth Fairy's information, it's still a couple of kilometers off. Our visual range has been cut to less than 100 meters because of the foliage surrounding us.
All eyes are on lookout while Druidic Concoctions and I examine the hatch. It is a fine wire mesh grate painted green and covered in vegetation in a pattern to allow air movement. It doesn't appear to be welded or screwed into place, but I'm sure it's securely fastened. I drop the infrared eyepiece down and look for laser grids. Nothing. I tell Immortal Sin to come over and trace for signs of a trap. He doesn't find anything. All right it looks clear, let's open it.
We're gonna need something to clear the vegetation away. Druidic says he's got just the thing, a Diametric Chlorophyll Smasher. A what? He rummages around and pulls out a device. Waitaminute. Isn't that a Garden Weasel? He looks a me and says, no, of course not. He runs it along the edge of the grating, slicing away the vegetation. That's some well tilled soil there, Druidic.
Plohoie Debushka comes up and opens her chemical stash. The rest of us stand back a bit and resume checking the surroundings while Plohoie uses her Dissolve-em-so-you-don't-have-to-call-em-back-tomorrow liquid to eat thru the sides of the grating. Did you name that yourself, Plohoie? Yes, she did. Mental note to self: install additional deadbolt on the door to my quarters. She gently lifts the grating off and set's it aside. I stick my head down in the tunnel and see nothing but a steel corridor leading South. Ligeia lowers herself into the tunnel and heads down it. I make sure the rest of the team makes it down inside and then I follow them down. Once I'm down I look for Ligeia, but she's already out of sight. There's room for about 3 people abreast in this thing, so we travel 2 at a time.
About 1/2 km into the tunnel I start to feel a breeze stir on my face. We must be getting near some active fans. It starts to slowly increase the more we go forward. I call for a stop, but the wind continues to build in strength. I've got a bad feeling about this. I signal for the team to anchor themselves to the tunnel walls. I take out my grappling hook and slam it into the metal, securely tying the rope around my waist. The others appear to be doing the same. The wind suddenly increases to gale force hurricane strength! An incredibly foul stench is permeating the tunnel. Whew! I hope Ligeia didn't get caught in this.
I drop the visor on my helmet to protect my eyes and activate my thermal imaging scanner. That's what I thought! It's Ligeia! She's rolling down the tunnel, repeatedly getting slammed against the walls. Evil Pixie fires a harpoon into the wall next to me and I grab the line which is feeding a net she had attached. I pull it across as fast as possible and hook it to my belt for support. Ligeia slams into the net. The force of her strike pulls my grappling hook loose from the wall and I go sailing in the breeze. Devil's Dance grabs me and holds on for dear life. Well, my life anyway. Not A Phase has Ligeia secured. Eventually the wind dies down, and HeartShine checks on Ligeia. She battered around pretty good, but it's just bruises. Good. We start back down the tunnel as a faster clip, hoping to beat the next breaking of wind.
Day 1 - 0700 hours.
We make it to a crossroads in the tunnel. I direct the team to the right and about 100 meters later, we find an opening. Evil Pixie goes up and checks the other side of the grate, using her scope from her rifle. Apparently it opens into a huge room resembling an arena. There's a huge banner on the hanging from the rafters saying, "Lucky Seven: The World Shall Tremble" and another banner w/the Holiday Coalition's symbol emblazoned on it.
She says that someone just came in from a door on the West side. It's a leprechaun! At least she thinks so. It stands about 2 1/2 feet tall and is dressed in blue. It has a big diamond embroidered across his chest. He is looking around the area and sniffing the air. I give the silent signal for all quiet. She says that he has left the room back thru the door.
I decide to split the team up. Druidic Concoctions, Plohoie Debushka, HeartShine, Jules, and Not A Phase will head back to the East side of the tunnel, enter thru the grate, proceed to start setting the charges, and look for any sign of the main terminal. The rest of us will enter here and trail that leprechaun, to see if he's going to the main room.
The other team heads off while I cut open the grate. Immortal Sin scans the room and finds a camera on the near wall. Evil Pixie sets up and dispatches it w/one shot. I set my hook and descend slowly to the ground. The others descend behind me. I retrieve my hook while Ligeia sets off towards the door and waits for the rest of us. She moves down the hallway 'til it makes a T. She listens for a moment and indicates the right hand side. We follow the hallway down 'til we come to a room filled w/electronic equipment. This must be from the ships that keep disappearing in this area!
We slide thru the other side and see a Leprechaun sitting in the adjoining room. He's dressed all in green w/a clover on his chest. He's got his feet up in a chair sipping an ale and watching the tube. Perfect. An unsuspecting target. Rohmer fires a sound dampening net over the green bastard, and the rest of us flood into the room. He starts yelling, but all that comes out is a muffle. Ooooh, I luv modern technology. He's just sitting there looking at us as we enter the room.
Ligeia posts herself at the door, watching for unfriendlies. Immortal Sin walks up to him and grabs him off the chair, smiling that evil smile of his. Wait Immortal, we don't want to hurt him yet. the leprechaun looks at Immortal Sin, then suddenly rips open the nylon net like it was Madonna's bra! He cocks back a fist and knocks Immortal Sin across the room and into a stack of Johnny Mathis records. Holy Shit! We train our guns to the beastie, and tell him to surrender. A blinding flash of light floods the room from the door. Ligeia staggers backwards hiding her eyes and falls over a Styrofoam facsimile of the blarney stone.
A leprechaun dressed in orange with a star on his chest walks in smiling. He is followed in by 5 others, all in different colors. Oh Hell. All of the Lucky Seven are here. The Pink Heart, The Yellow Moon, The Orange Star, The Blue Diamond, The Purple Horseshoe, and The Red Balloon. Yellow Moon gestures w/his hand and the rest of our team floats in behind him. They're apparently encased in some kind of translucent marshmallow bubble. This is less encouraging. Green Clover laughs and says, Now who should surrender?
This is Ibidis (Codename: Mortem) saying, people are always after me lucky charms.

Chapter 4.

Day 1 - 0725 hours.
The team is trapped in a room w/the most dangerous guardians ever known to the world, the leprechauns. Those of you who saw that movie will know what I'm talking about. Immortal Sin is down for the moment, after the vicious blow delivered by Green Clover. Ligeia seems to be dazed after that bright light flashed throughout the room. The second part of the team is trapped in some kind of marshmallow bubble that is floating along above the floor. That leaves Evil Pixie, Rohmer, Devil's Dance, and myself against The Lucky Seven.
All right, think soldier! What do you know about these guys? It looks like Green Clover is the leader of the group, he's also the brawn. Looks like Yellow Moon is controlling that marshmallow ball. The flash of light had to have come from Orange Star. That leaves 4 others w/unexplained powers. Too many variables, but we don't really have a choice. If we're captured, we're dead. They'll take us and dump us in those General Mills I saw back in the base, and grind us into sugar coated cereal pieces.
I use a silent hand signal for the team to drop their visors on my mark, that should protect us from Orange Star's flash. I see Ligeia stirring and looking around the room, looks like she's getting her vision back. Only seconds have passed since we came into this room, but it seems like an eternity. Let's see how they like a taste of their own medicine.
I give the signal and the team drops their visors, I throw a flash grenade to the floor and it bursts in a blinding light. Ha! Take that you bastards. Looks like it got a couple of them, but Orange Star and Pink Heart don't seem to be affected. Damn! Open fire, team! Let's make a hole! Bullets begin stitching thru the walls behind us as the Leprechauns dive for cover. Devil's Dance blasts thru the wall and we start moving that way.
Suddenly Rohmer goes sailing by me and smashes into Immortal Sin, who was just starting to get up. They both crash in another heap of broken vinyl. I look back and see Green Clover cracking his knuckles. You're a tough little bastard aren't ya? I kick him in his little charms and he doubles over opening his mouth in pain. I promptly shove a frag grenade in his yap and hurl his little ass out the hole in the wall. A couple of seconds later, I hear a muffled explosion outside. I love my job!
Suddenly the marshmallow bubble pops and the other 5 team members drop to the ground, covered in goo. Druidic Concoctions smiles and is holding a large safety pin. I'd hate to hear what kind of name he came up with for that. They look pretty pissed too, at least what I can see of them. Let's get out of this room and get some firing space. HeartShine, at least I think it's HeartShine, (it's hard to tell w/that crap all over her) grabs Rohmer and heads for the hole.
We burst free into the courtyard outside the compound. Spread out and lay some cover fire on that opening. We're in an open area w/no cover around. Spread out and don't give 'em a target. I can hear movement from the parapets above us. We're about to have company! Machine gun fire erupts as the first of the Lucky Seven pokes his head thru the wall.
Suddenly a marshmallow shield appears and starts to move forward, giving the leprechauns cover to get outside. A burst of flame shoots out from behind the shield towards HeartShine! She rolls out of the way as Pink Heart moves out towards her. Orange Star flies out like he was shot by a rocket and crashes into Evil Pixie. They both go tumbling away from the others. Red Balloon floats up from behind the shield and emits a wall of gas that spreads around Druidic Concoctions. Purple Horseshoe goes flipping out and lands right on top of Plohoie Debushka. Man, what a lucky jump!
I look up and see more of the Little People taking up attack positions above us. I start to tell the team to take 'em out, when I am suddenly freezing! I'm encased in ice from the neck down! I didn't need this today. Blue Diamond walks towards me and raises his hand as if to finish the job, when Immortal Sin crashes into him from the side! Whew. That was too friggin close. Luckily I can still talk and I tell the others to watch out from above. Ligeia, Not A Phase, Jules, and Devil's dance begin firing to the parapets, keeping the little people pinned down. Yellow Moon starts strolling towards them, but is distracted by Rohmer, who begins pumping shots into the hastily erected marshmallow balls he conjures.
Well, it looks like I've got a real good view of the proceedings from my block of ice. The little people from above start lobbing spud grenades from the parapets. They hit the ground and explode into wads of skins and eyes. Eeew! Devil's Dance dodges the attack and keeps the little people pinned down above w/his 60 cal. Ligeia fires a spike into the wall just below them and starts to climb the attached line. Not A Phase is just behind her. Jules has a spud grenade land right in front of her and she is suddenly wrapped in potato skins. She can't move! Welcome to the club sister. I yell for Devil's Dance to get over there and help her.
I see another figure walk out from behind the shield, it's Green Clover! Aren't you dead? He doesn't have much of a face left, but he's still coming. I've got my rifle/grenade launcher aimed forward in this block of ice, but I can't move it. My body heat has melted the ice around me enough to pull the trigger. Just a little more to the left, you green blarney butt, just a little more. There! I hear a loud thump as the grenade slams into him and explodes, sending him crashing thru the wall, creating a new hole. Ahahahaha! Have I mentioned I love my job? The grenade launcher has cracked the ice a bit, but I still can't get free. I'm stuck watching this battle as the team squares off 1 on 1 against the lucky Seven and the Darby O' Gills.
This is Ibidis (Codename: Mortem) saying, Grenade!!! yuk yuk

Chapter 5.

Day 1 - 0750 hours.
The battle continues. From my position, trapped in a block of ice, I see the team members fighting for their lives. Devil's Dance has been unable to remove the potato skins from Jules, and to make matters worse, the eyes on the skin are turning into roots and attempting to force Jules underground. Thru my comm link I contact Druidic Concoctions, who is in a nasty stinker of a fight w/the gaseous Red Balloon. Druidic, quickly! We need something to get Jules out of that skin before she's buried. He chokingly mumbles something about the Idahonian Epideralizer, and throws and object towards Devil's Dance. I see it clearly as it flashes by my face. That's a potato peeler isn't it? He looks at me thru the cloud of gas that Red Balloon has surrounded him with and says, no, of course not! One of these days, he's gonna come up w/an invention that you can't buy for 4 easy monthly installments of $9.99. Devil's Dance starts peeling Jules from that tater terror.
I look up and see that Ligeia has made it to the top and has leapt over the wall, attacking the Darby O'Gills w/her Iguana gloves. There are bits and pieces of them raining down like a sea of green blood. Ligeia is setting up a blast charge on the parapet foundation. One of the Darbys sees her, but she is out of reach. It looks like he's trying to taunt her into coming up. She's not taking the bait though. He decides to increase the intensity of the taunting by pulling down his pants and flashing her. Almost w/o looking up, she takes her side knife and hurls it at the him, skewering his lil Darby' O'Tool to the side of a parapet. I can hear his screams all the way down here thru the din of battle.
Ligeia is still weed-eating thru the little people, but she's going to be overwhelmed by sheer numbers soon. Not A Phase goes up and grabs her knife, yanks it out of the pierced appendage and hurls the green monkey over the wall. She signals to Ligeia that she's ready to blow that popsicle stand. Ligeia turns and makes a full run for the edge and grabs Not A Phase's shoulders, then the two of them dive full out off the edge, 30 stories up! Ligeia immediately yanks her ripcord and an emergency chute billows out. It's got a big happy face on it that says, "I got your leprechaun right here!" Not A Phase shouts, fire in the hole! and sets off the charge. The explosion shatters the wall underneath the parapets and they go tumbling backwards, burying the Darby O'Gills under tons of stone. It's beginning to really feel like Ireland to them, I bet!
Meanwhile, the battle on the ground continues. HeartShine has been hopping all over the place trying to avoid the flame blasts from Pink Heart. Half her uniform has been burnt off or singed, and she hasn't been able to get a clear shot at the pink punk. The few bullets she has gotten off on target have melted before they reached him. She manages to duck behind the wad of marshmallow shielding. Pink Heart starts to pursue around the side. He looks like he's got her trapped.
I see her crawl to the top of the shield. By the time Pink Heart sees her, she is flying thru the air with two blue plastic squares in her hands. He sends a gout of flame towards her to ward her off, but it fizzles against the plastic. Those must be cold packs from her med. kit! She crashes into the leprechaun and immediately shoves one of the cold packs down his neck. His eyes bulge out and his head starts to swell up. She takes a few steps back, calmly takes out a syringe and throws it towards his head like a dart. Pop! Just like a overripe zit, it explodes and hurls pink goo all over her. Weren't expecting that, were ya HeartShine?
The gas cloud surrounding Druidic Concoctions sprang up quickly, but not so quickly that he couldn't get his gas mask on in time. There's something different about this gas, though. I hear Druidic say something about it smells familiar, but he can't place it. It looks like Red Balloon has expanded himself into the gaseous substance himself. Everywhere Druidic tries to run to, the gas follows. His body armor is starting to smoke! It must be some kind of corrosive gas.
I hear Druidic over the comm unit say that he's found out what the smell is: It's like those nasty farts the morning after eating fried potatoes and drinking Guinness. He says he needs to find his Multi-Phasic Emanation Dissemination Elixir. His what? He rummaged quickly thru his pack and pulls out a bottle w/some chalky white liquid in it. He quickly opens the lid and I hear a scream resound from the gas around him. It quickly disperses into the atmosphere w/a slight whoosh. I can see the liquid in Druidic's hands a bit more clearly now. That's Gas-X, isn't it? He calmly looks at me and says, no, of course not.
Evil Pixie has been trying to duke it out w/Orange Star, but has been on the losing end thus far. Her visor protects her from the orange drwarf's light bursts, but apparently this thing can go immaterial at will. Every time Pixie tries to strike out at him, she just passes thru him and he solidifies in time to whop her.
The sun suddenly goes behind a cloud just as Pixie is punching towards him. He stands there w/a smug look on his face, and she connects! He reels backwards, just as stunned as she. He must not have any power out of the sunlight. They both glance to the sky and notice that the cloud is about to pass. Pixie quickly pulls out her travel blanket w/the Bugs Bunny prints on it and throws it over Orange Star. She drops on him and holds him down w/her knee while she takes out a sock and puts a bar of soap in it. It's time for the blanket treatment! Just like in camp when you were a kid. Whack, whack, whack. You can hear the muffled cries finally stop after about 20 good hits. Yes! The tide is turning!
Plohoie Debushka has been punching, shooting and kicking at Purple Horseshoe for a while and is missing almost every time. It's not as if the critter is fast or anything, it's just something manages to happen every time to cause her to miss. This leprechaun must have some unnatural luck or something. She manages to get the creature back against the wall, trying to pin it in place for the kill. She quickly fires a grenade over the creatures head into the wall and it explodes, causing a section of the wall to crash down on the Leprechaun. Ha! That should kill that little... Waitaminute! It's climbing out of the pile! Nothing's that lucky! How the Hell can she kill it?
HeartShine throws Plohoie a Canadian penny, telling her over the comm that that penny had brought her nothing but bad luck for years. Plohoie casually tosses the penny to Purple Horseshoe, and he catches it w/o thinking. He looks at the penny in his hand and then looks up at Plohoie, just in time to see her smile and put a bullet in his forehead! All right! Let's hear it for bad pennies.
Immortal Sin and Blue Diamond had been in a classic battle of fire and ice for a while, with neither one coming out on the winning edge. Get his ass Immortal! Immortal looks at me as if to say, I'm trying. Blue Diamond takes advantage of the momentary distraction to encase Immortal in ice like myself. Whoops! Sorry dude. I can see Immortal Sin straining to pull the trigger of the flame-thrower in the ice as Frosty the Leprechaun comes walking up next to him, laughing. Suddenly the ice explodes from w/in as Immortal succeeds. The ice shrapnel and the force of the explosion cause them both to fly thru the air, landing next to each other.
They both stand and spin to fire at each other at the same time, but they are too close and they collide. Blue Diamond's finger is in the barrel of the flame-thrower. A Mexican standoff! The two stand staring at each other. Blue Diamond raises his other hand to freeze Immortal when his facial expression changes to panic. Immortal takes a hammer w/his free hand and smashes it into the popsicle's head. Blue Diamond shatters into frost. Immortal manages to catch some of it in a paper cone, and he pours some cherry syrup over it. Tasty!
I catch a flash of movement from the wall in front of me and see Green Clover coming back out of the wall, heading towards me. The whole left side of his body had been blown away by my last grenade. He approached to the right side of me, thinking I couldn't aim my launcher at him. Guess what you little green bastard?!? The ice has melted enough for me to aim. I slide my gun to the right about 4 inches and a look of surprise crosses his face as I pull the trigger. Booom! His body goes flying back thru the wall. Damn I love my job! The ice had finally shattered around me and I fought now to free my feet.
Rohmer was doing the marshmallow dance w/Yellow Moon. Every time she got off a shot, Yellow Moon would splat her w/more sticky goo. She decided if she was going to get covered in crap like this, she was gonna do it right in this little bastard's face. She dove at him and toppled him to the ground, pinning Yellow Moon underneath her. He oozed out from under her, and erected a marshmallow shield around her. Aw, Hell. She's never gonna make it out of that.
Yellow Moon stood there as if waiting for Rohmer to make an attempt, but she just lay there. Suddenly I hear a high pitched whine. Get your plugs in team! Yellow Moon suddenly raises his hands to his ears as the marshmallow shell quivers and explodes. Rohmer has turned some serious feedback on the leprechaun. He just lays there on the ground, screaming.
The team all gathers in a line like a firing squad right in front of him. Rohmer shuts off the sonic assault and the leprechaun stands up and looks at us. He raises his hand. It has a graham cracker in it. He says, S'mores for my life? The team unloads into him, pumping enough lead to stop a tank. Nope! Not hungry, thanks.
Day 1 - 0830 hours.
We've saturated the base w/explosives and I have successfully transmitted the information from the main computer to our home base. All we've got left to do is meet the rendezvous chopper 1 mile out in the ocean.
We're heading back thru the arena on our way out when I feel a rumbling under the ground. I look at the floor. What I initially thought was some type of cobblestone is, upon closer examination, thousands of potatoes. That's strange. I see the floor ripple and squirm as if it's alive. Everyone get out of here! Jules and I were closest to the door and we were inside the doorway and off the floor when the potato floor erupts and throws the team members all around. It wasn't a floor. It was a creature! A 50 ft. monster composed of interwoven potatoes and roots.
It moves like lightning and crushes the other team members, slamming them into the walls and ceiling. My God! What is that monstrosity! Jules has dropped down to the floor in absolute terror, and is shaking too badly to speak. I can hear her whisper in the comm unit, though. The Potato Famine!
I reach down to get her and get the Hell out of there when I am struck from behind so violently that I am thrown into the wall at the far side of the hallway. I can barely see...barely breath. If it wasn't for that small corridor stopping that beast, I'd be dead. I can't see Jules anywhere, and I can't hear her breathing over the comm. She must be gone, too. I know I'll never make it to the rendezvous in my broken condition. The team is lost. It's time to start again.
I hit the emergency button on my wrist which sends the DNA sequencing of the team at the time of their deaths back to base, including myself. I laugh to myself slowly as I hit the destruct button to blow the base to Hell. We're gonna be back to get ya, ya sons o' bitches.
The last thing I see is what's left of Green Clover stumbling towards me. You've got no idea what's fixing to hit ya. Do ya, you green punk? yuk yuk yu.....
This is Ibidis (Codename: Mortem) saying, I just luv resurrections, don't you? yuk yuk.

©   1998   C A Lutke

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