The cool Autumn breeze moves in to take it's rightful place in time...
but...
The warm Summer air is not yet ready to sleep...
It comes creeping back...
Like a child past bedtime...
White dress on the top
Black lace underneath
You think you trick everyone
But you're not fooling me
Show them all the angel's wings
Lash them with the devil's tail
Flash me your crooked smile
My seduction is where you'll fail
You live your life in black silk charm
Using your sex to spread your harm
Sugar coated demon dame
Presume you're the most guiling flame
You cringe away, trapped by my eyes
Therein lies your fiendish surprise
Your sweat forms from the heat I give
Seduced by my will, now you'll live
Black lace no solace
White dress is no shield
Feel yourself shattering
In the darkness I wield
And now only realizing
The diabolic game you play
Evil turns upon itself
If only your deadly charms could sway
Dark fingers in a painful caress
The only sign of fiendish duress
Bands soft as velvet, hard as steel
Wrap around your heart without yield
You cringe away trapped by my eyes
Therein lies your hellish surprise
Your body opens to the heat I give
Seduced by my will, now you'll live
Dress no longer white
Black lace ripped and worn
You've seen through the mists
Seen it all slashed and torn
Your crooked smile slips
Feeling my caress
Lingering kiss on your lips
Tormenting hand up your dress
Scramble for the light denied
Life without malice never tried
My smile taunts, my laughter mocks
Fills your mind with horrid thoughts
The fucking game is over now
Your spirit in front of me has bowed
Go forth with new virtue to give
Seduce with my will, so others live
The sleepless night a warrior has
Before the day of battle falls
Feel the seep of dread approach
Time to seek Valhalla's halls
Another useless confrontation
I hesitate, conviction stalls
This time the bloodlust doesn't surge
As the horn of battle calls
Dive into the waves of blood
Body and heart sink in the mud
Steel ringing through the night
Tears that flow obscure my sight
Feel my blade sink in flesh again
Set my teeth against each sin
My last fight for King and Country
Never again. Honor over loyalty
Heart breaks and stomach churns
With each life ending stroke
As every set of eyes glaze
So fades a sliver of hope
I see the grim, raving faces
Revulsion is what they invoke
No useless command will force
More blood the ground to soak
A foolish ruler commands only fools
Following blindly, used just like tools
My shame grows with each swing
Defy the law set by my King
Men are dying treading his path
Unaware they die for petty wrath
My last fight for King and Country
Never again. Honor over loyalty
Muscles flag from the endless fight
To keep dark secrets secure
The truth of treachery shows itself
Defiling all that keeps us pure
Black-faced lies are all that gain
From this barbed, deceptive lure
As the last heart dies before me
No more will I endure
Dive into the waves of blood
Body and heart sink in the mud
Steel ringing through the night
Tears that flow obscure my sight
Feel my blade sink in flesh again
Set my teeth against each sin
My last fight for King and Country
Never again. Honor over loyalty
and so she sits
another day
that passes by
to offer pain
her heart it beats
but only teaches
her
its function
is a lie
to live within
this body thus
to touch the wings
of love and lust
and never feel in return
the love that yearns
within
and burns
when all it touches
turns
to dust
I'm watching my life from the outside
looking in
I have no control over what happens
there is Power
there is Truth
right there, for the knowing
I coax them gently into my body - but my body
does not respond
eyes wide open
I walk
into the gaping maw of total Chaos
my Life
my Health
my Power
in a swirl of emotion
my Heart
my Soul
my Mind
incomplete
alone
My phone rings...
"Hello?..are you there?"
My shoulders are small, but they handle great burdens, I lend you my ear...
You tell me your troubles, and I do not judge... I say...
"You deserve better, you'll be alright, I'll be here for you,
any day,
any night."
I try to make you feel better, make you laugh and smile...
Then I don't hear from you for quite a while...
Then one day I fell...
So far and so hard...
I was so frightened and this time I was in need of an ear...
I called you up....
"Hello?...Are you there?"
Silence....
Where are you? No answer was found...
Why are you kicking me? I'm already down.
Don't you know the definition of friend?
I sat for a long while in the hole that I dug...
One day I climbed back up that huge mountain...
Swept my past under the rug....
I'm standing on top now...
I did it without you....
My heart still burns with the bitterness of your betrayal...
Again my phone rings....
"Hello?....Are you there?"
My shoulders are small, but they handle great burdens....
Once again...I lend you my ear...
It's been so very long since we've spoken...
Too many years....
But I still recognize your voice and your tears....
You tell me your troubles, and I do not judge...I say...
"You deserve better, you'll be alright, I'll be here for you,
any day,
any night."
Although it's so one-sided....
I still listen...and you I still defend....
Why?
Because unlike you....I know the definition of friend.
The past is a black hole I trip into
Pulling me into it's lightless depths
Deeper I spin
Out of control
Darkness
Pain
Loneliness
Despair
Self-hate
Dragging me down into the pit I fought so long and hard to escape
Fighting the demons of long ago
Feeding on my fear
Feeding on my pain
Filling me with loneliness again
I cannot see
I fight to breathe
Is there no hope left for me?
Will I escape the darkness this time?
Shall I fight?
Or shall I resign?
The answer comes in a sparkle of light
A small glimmer that grows
Pushing against the darkness, a firefly glows
It's such a small thing
But it leads me home
Into the sunshine
The demons retreat
My eyes absorb the beauty of the light
Another victory in my endless fight
I look to my child
her eyes full of wonder
So beautiful and innocent
She smiles at me
Her laughter
Sweet music to my soul and my ears
She touches my face and wipes at my tears
Dear child, let me look at this world through your eyes
Let me feel all the wonder at simple things again
And to you this I promise
I will continue to fight
Watching my step
Staying in the light
The black hole of my past
I will not trip in again.....